somehow i knew. or maybe i knew too much and thus this inevitable fate awaits me. i should have know that people werent that much of a kind or empathic person. nevertheless, part of me had to place trust in them, in what i call brothers and sisters. though... not so much of blood related, i always hold then so close to myself i sometimes forget who i should have priortise instead of them. still, i can only blame myself for being suh a guillable person and too easily accepting whats given in from of me. sure. i always end up making the same mistakes.

They say if u make the wrong choice the frst time, the second time its no longer a mistake but a choice. what seems to me as a choice is now much more of a habit. a habit to trust others because of my own incompetence and a habit of laziness because why do something yourself when others are willing to help. still, i wanted to take advantage of this help because that is what humans do. then take  advantage and plot against each other. they backstab and at the end of the day nothing comes out but mistrust and blood. i know my solution to this. i have to take initiative and start something immediately. but what are the incentives?? making it possible over a fortnight is such a close yet unsurmountable feat.

till now, i must apologise to SPA for not coming for the short gathering. though im sure non of them read this, it does make me feel better knowing that one day this might reach you guys.

Sorry to R3 for not being able to attend outings especially the post exam one which i knew u guys were anticipating so much after this strenuous semester. not beig able to join u guys was a choice i made to go along with hanging out with 3 others and not you guys. still, i doubt it would be anymore enjoyable considering the previous one we had. :X so its... inevitable? and furthermore, i seem to have blacklisted myself in the group by making careless ad insensible remarks at untimly situations. oh well. but the group members dont really notice my feelings so i'm guessing that it doesnt really matter that much to them or not if i was a nuisance to them.

i have to remember to commit myself not to start exaggerating certain issues within my head. i tend to glorify things because i feel that they are of inportance to me and they therefore must be great. dammit i have to keep in mind that not everyone has the same mentality as me.

finally, let us talk about recent issues. work yes. though i have talked about it already above, thats just one aspect of it that i wanted to throw out there. seems like work starts tomorrow and i am to wear berms and a tshirt? strange as it is working and i'm wearing short pants. alright, i'll comply but i gotta see if it was really the case. the reporting time is 1130 instead of the prementioned 10am. not sure why the delay but i'm guessing they are up to some pre-opening procedure. so yea i'm really fine with that.

man its been a long dsy and its 1120 already. i'm not sleeping anytime soon because i fell asleep this afternoon out of fatigue from games. i seem to hold more value in playing games that interactions with prople. though people say that we need to at least talk to peopel and get our problems out there, i rather be that castaphobic guy who sits by himself and be a introvert. ;) nothing wrong and no one to say so otherwise.

so, here i sign off after s much pointless ranting. i do hope what i write actually reach some audience out there.